{issue 2} Coffee & Conversation

I don't have a typically stressful life.  My schedule is rarely jam packed, I make a lot of time for myself, I have a lot of freedom to do things I love, and I try very hard to get away often, whether it just back up to the cabin, a whirlwind trip to NYC, or a spur of the moment trip to Florida for almost a month (3 days notice was almost not enough).

However, while I may not have to get up and commute to the office every day, chase kids around and worry about dinner for the family all at once (I dunno how you guys do it), I still have a few stresses.

Some would call a heartbreaking divorce a bit stressful. Personally, it's the after effects of my husband cheating, stalking, and threatening to kill me that I find exceptionally stressful.  Triple checking doors and windows, wondering what will happen when the restraining order expires, and of course, the lovely Facebook "friend suggestions" that usually include one of his many girlfriends really take the wind out of my sails.  Not to mention laying in bed on a sleepless night, wondering what the fuck that noise outside is.  Starting life over in general is stressful.

Plus, if I'm not having an uncontrollable and unrealistic panic attack in a parking lot because I'm lost (happens fairly often), I'm worrying.  I'm a worrier.  I worry constantly.  About everything.  Did I lock the door?  Did my dogs get out?  Is the apartment on fire?  Is my car breaking down as I think this?  Did I remember everything I need?

There's a professional term for me, other than crazy, but we don;t need to get into that here and now.  Unless you have whiskey and time to spare.  Do you have whiskey?

What I want to know is this - what do you do to de-stress?  What's your go to method to relax after a jam packed, stressful day?  How do you handle a panic attack, if you have them and it's gotten to that point?

Books help me relax.   If I'm on the verge of freaking the fuck out, shutting out the world for even just a chapter helps immensely.  If I'm already past the breaking point, and am sitting in my car crying through an anxiety attack, I force myself to think of the things I'm thankful for, and say them out loud.  It doesn't work instantly, but after a few sentences, it gives me enough distraction to gain a bit of control and edge some calmness in.

"I'm thankful I'm not married to a jackass anymore.  I'm thankful I'm not on the corner, selling myself for rent.  I'm thankful for Starbucks.  I'm thankful for comfortable underwear.  I'm thankful my car ISN'T breaking down right this minute.  "

Whatever it takes.

{issue 1} Coffee & Conversation

That's a photograph of me.  And the side of my boob.  With my awesome hair all flowy and did, as compared to how I usually throw it on top of my head.  I'm a pretty private person, but in the spirit of the theme of this post, I'm putting it all out there.  Literally.

(photo credit:  Jaclyn Michele)

In my day job, I meet and spend a lot of time with women of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds.  I find myself with them during some major life events, and each time, I usually come away amazed by both their inner and outer beauty.  However, some amazing women blow my mind when they tell me they think they're ugly.

Flabby stomachs, arms with wings, big hips, non-existent crows feet, noses that look pretty average to me but "ruin" lives ... The things we nit pick about are insane.

I once asked a gorgeous 55 year old woman what physical feature was her favourite.  This woman was tall, blonde, thin, and looked about 40.  I was convinced she was going to say her legs, since they looked like they belonged to someone in their twenties.  Instead, she told me she hates every part of her body.  Every.  Single.  Part.

Usually when asked this question, we women will usually make a show of saying nothing, and then find something that we actually do adore about ourselves.  I'm sure you've done this at least once in your life, right?

"Ugh, my ass is huge and I have five chins ... buuuuut, if I had to pick something I love, I'd say my hair.  And my tits.  I have really great tits.  "

(That's an actual sentence from my own mouth, FYI)

Although we feel the need to put ourselves down (BAD WOMEN!) first, we still tend to find something we like about our physical selves.  Sad, isn't it?  We'd hate for someone to utter that kind of sentence to us, but we can do it to ourselves every day ("you're gorgeous and funny, buuuuuut you have a big ass.  Wanna get dinner?").  What makes me extra sad though, is instances such as the 55 year old with killer fucking legs - she couldn't name a single thing.  At all.

So, I'm asking you - what's your favourite physical feature?  What do you love most about yourself, physically?  Your tits?  Your eyes?  Something unique, like that fantastically cute gap between your front teeth?   Everything?  There has to be SOMETHING, and I want to know what it is!



 

{coffee and conversation} Man Pee & JD

Starting my life over in my thirties isn't what I planned. I didn't plan on moving to a new city, making new friends, relocating my business, my life, my dogs, my comfort zone.  I didn't plan on re-learning how to cook and grocery shop for one person, instead of two (three, really, given the way my Ex ate).  I didn't plan on learning how to sleep alone again.  I didn't plan on being the only one to take care of our effing crazy dogs on a daily basis.  I didn't plan on having no one to come home to. 

I locked myself out the of the apartment the other day.  The night before, I had been watching a stupid Dateline marathon - hours of cheating and muderous spouses, ex spouses, neighbours.  I ended up freaking myself out so much that I triple checked any remotely possible entry point was locked, and barricaded.  So the next day, as I stepped outside with my dogs and the door slammed shut behind us at the same instant I remembered my keys were still inside, I knew instantly that I was screwed.

Thankfully the weather has been completely insane, and I was locked out on a day that felt more like July than March.  I sat on the front steps, crying behind my sunglasses, waiting two hours for my landlord to come let me in.  The entire time, I cursed my Ex.  Hated him for being where I am now. 

It used to be us against the world - now it's just me.  It's daunting and scary, overwhelming and emotional.  By the time my friendly landlord showed up, I was ready to drink my emotions away with some much needed Jack Daniels. 

As I poured the second glass of amber liquid, I started to calm down a bit.  I realized that even though I would love for someone else to worry about taking the garbage out, or to fix stuff around the place, or even just to sit with at the end of the day, being single again isn't so bad.  It was 11am, and I was drinking - no cheating husband to tell me not to, or make me feel bad for it.  No cheating husband asking when dinner would be ready, and complaining omg, we're having chicken again?  No cheating husband leaving his dirty clothes around.  No cheating husband that couldn't hit the toilet bowl if his life depended on it.  No cheating husband, well, cheating. 

Sitting on the front steps again, this time not locked out and crying, enjoying the sunshine and my JD, I realized that a lot of things suck about being single again.  But not cleaning man pee off the bathroom floor?  That's a pretty big reminder of why it's not all bad.

For my single ladies - what's your favourite part of being single?  Married ladies, I want to hear from you, too!  What's your biggest pet peeve about being married?

Coffee and Conversation - I used to be ..

Once upon a time, when I was in about Grade 6 (sixth grade, for you Americans reading this), our teacher gave us a writing/journaling task to do.  He wrote it on the board, and then has us write in our journals, filling in the blank and explaining it.

I freakin' loved it.  I got to work right away, writing a super serious answer and pouring my heart into it.

Then, we had to read it out loud, and my heart froze in my chest - I was way too shy for that kind of crap.  Not only that, but the people that were taking their turns before me weren't even taking it seriously.  I was crushed!  When it was finally my turn, I glanced at what the person at the desk beside me wrote, and then said that answer, joining in on the snickers of how lame this exercise was and ignoring the glares from the girl beside me.

Now that I'm 30 and can think for myself, I'd like to do it again.  And I'd like to hear what you guys have to say for it, as well.  Leave your answers in the comments!  I'll go first.

I used to be _______, but I'm not any more.  

Coffee and Conversation - The Night Circus

I have a secret, and I'm almost scared to tell you.  No matter what happens, promise you'll still love me?  Wait, let me just take a deep breath and a deep swallow of Jack before I continue...

Okay.  Here we go.

I did not enjoy The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.

There.  I said it.  It's now out in the open for all to see.

I've mentioned to others that while I enjoyed the premise of the book, and really enjoyed the vividness used in describing the characters, settings and details, I found the story itself anti-climatic, and a little boring. 

I'm definitely in the minority here, and I'm okay with that.  Not everyone enjoys every book - what a boring world that would be!  

So tell me - did you enjoy The Night Circus?  Why or why not?

Can you think of a book that you didn't enjoy, but seemingly everyone else raved about?  Vice versa?  Leave a comment and let me know!