Starting my life over in my thirties isn't what I planned. I didn't plan on moving to a new city, making new friends, relocating my business, my life, my dogs, my comfort zone. I didn't plan on re-learning how to cook and grocery shop for one person, instead of two (three, really, given the way my Ex ate). I didn't plan on learning how to sleep alone again. I didn't plan on being the only one to take care of our effing crazy dogs on a daily basis. I didn't plan on having no one to come home to.
I locked myself out the of the apartment the other day. The night before, I had been watching a stupid Dateline marathon - hours of cheating and muderous spouses, ex spouses, neighbours. I ended up freaking myself out so much that I triple checked any remotely possible entry point was locked, and barricaded. So the next day, as I stepped outside with my dogs and the door slammed shut behind us at the same instant I remembered my keys were still inside, I knew instantly that I was screwed.
Thankfully the weather has been completely insane, and I was locked out on a day that felt more like July than March. I sat on the front steps, crying behind my sunglasses, waiting two hours for my landlord to come let me in. The entire time, I cursed my Ex. Hated him for being where I am now.
It used to be us against the world - now it's just me. It's daunting and scary, overwhelming and emotional. By the time my friendly landlord showed up, I was ready to drink my emotions away with some much needed Jack Daniels.
As I poured the second glass of amber liquid, I started to calm down a bit. I realized that even though I would love for someone else to worry about taking the garbage out, or to fix stuff around the place, or even just to sit with at the end of the day, being single again isn't so bad. It was 11am, and I was drinking - no cheating husband to tell me not to, or make me feel bad for it. No cheating husband asking when dinner would be ready, and complaining omg, we're having chicken again? No cheating husband leaving his dirty clothes around. No cheating husband that couldn't hit the toilet bowl if his life depended on it. No cheating husband, well, cheating.
Sitting on the front steps again, this time not locked out and crying, enjoying the sunshine and my JD, I realized that a lot of things suck about being single again. But not cleaning man pee off the bathroom floor? That's a pretty big reminder of why it's not all bad.
For my single ladies - what's your favourite part of being single? Married ladies, I want to hear from you, too! What's your biggest pet peeve about being married?